oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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