nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
