There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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