He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
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we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
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Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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