i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
