I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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