I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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