It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
