I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
