living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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