smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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