guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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