i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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