So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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