They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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