Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
