Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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