You're my little dorito
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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