lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
