So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
