Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
