He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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