The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
