I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
