i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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