So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
