Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
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He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
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When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!