3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
