i barfeds in our rink
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
