Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
