Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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