i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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