Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
