I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
