Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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