i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
