He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
