I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
