We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
