I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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