walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
