He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
