I can't breathe out the right side of my face
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He felt like a one man threesome
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
