My nipple is on Facebook.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
