she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
