Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
