If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
