I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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