Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
