Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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