I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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