How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Shame - the story of my life.
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