You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
