Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
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I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize