mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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