I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
