Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
