When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
