Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
