WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
where does the pee come out of this thing
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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