I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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