So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
