i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
