He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
