I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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