But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
