I wish I only lived at night.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
