i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
