And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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