Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
