You're earring is so big in my mouth
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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