like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
