my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
