No more Irish car bombs ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
