yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
