You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
