I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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