i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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