i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
