Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
