yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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