He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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